Harry Pothead and the Chamber of Secrets
by Prathdrake
Summary: This is a sequel to Aurora Lynn Rose's Harry Pothead: The Sorceror's Stoned. It's really funny! I encourage you to read it! I don't want to spoil it too much for you, so I'll tell you only one thing. Harry has a passage FILLED with pot. Hehe!
1. Another Year Begins

Harry Pothead and the Chamber of Secrets  
  
by Prathdrake  
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Okay all you happy people! These next few fics I'm gonna write are sequels to Aurora Lynn Rose's "Harry Pothead: The Sorceror's Stoned!" In addition to this fic, I will be writing:  
-Harry Pothead and the Scent Dogs of Azkaban.  
-Harry Pothead and the Goblet of... Ahem...  
Looking forward to those? Good. Oh! And another thing! A few random ideas in the story were thought up by my brother, Draco Malfoy.  
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Legal Stuff: All Harry Potter characters and terms belong to Warner Bros. The character Harry Pothead belongs to Aurora Lynn Rose. And yes I did ask her permission to write this fic.  
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A new year at Hogwarts. Harry had left the feast early and headed straight to his bed in the boy's dorm.  
  
"Pot-pot! Po't Pot. P-p-p-pot. Pot," spoke Harry. His bed suddenly turned over on its side. It uncovered a small tunnel. Harry climbed into the passage and fell into a pile of white powder.  
  
He threw the tons of powder into the air and laughed insanely.  
  
You see, last year, Neville had "accidentally" gotten Harry hooked on the powder. Pot. Over the summer, Harry learned the language of pot. This was called POTseltongue.  
  
Harry had bought tons of pot using all the money in his account. He hid it in the secret cavern under his bed. The only way anyone could access the pot was to speak in POTseltongue.  
  
****  
  
Harry was now smoking a joint on his bed. How had he managed to roll one? He used parchment and Spell-o-tape.  
  
Suddenly Harry heard a thump on the stairs leading to the boy's dorm. Someone was coming. Harry hid the joint under his pillow just as Neville came bounding into the room.   
  
"Hi, Harry!" shouted Neville, "What's the rad smell?" Harry thought up a lie and he thought it up quick (A/N: Bonus points to anyone who can tell me what movie that's from).  
  
"Um... It must be Hagrid's new fertilizer," fibbed Harry.  
  
"Oh," said Neville, "Well, do you mind if I talk to you then?" He sat down on Harry's pillow, right where Harry had hidden the smoking joint.  
  
"So... What's shaking?" asked Neville. Suddenly the pillow went up in flames, as did Neville. In a few moments, Neville was burnt to a crisp. Harry had forgotten that Neville was extremely flammable. Now what would he do with the body?  
  
He tossed it out the window.  
  
It landed on Hagrid who thought it was the body of a dead animal and used it for fertilizer. As Harry was putting out the fire, Dean Thomas came up the stairs.  
  
"Where were you Harry?" asked Dean, "We missed you at the feast and sorting ceremony."  
  
"I was..uh...here," answered Harry, "For no pot-ticular...er...I mean PARticular reason at all."  
  
"Is something wrong Harry? Your eyes are all red," commented Dean. Harry didn't say anything, but kept staring at Dean. Dean was turning into a giant carrot.  
  
"Y-you're a v-v-vegetable!" Harry finally managed to squeal.  
  
"What? How rude of you!" shouted Dean, "I'm not a nerd!" Harry blinked his eyes and saw that Dean really wasn't a carrot. It was just a hallucination. From the pot.  
  
"Oh sorry, Dean," apologized Harry, "I didn't mean it that way. It was just..."  
  
"Sure, Harry, sure," said Dean sarcastically, "Just be quiet!"  
  
So Harry did.  
  
"I don't need him," thought Harry, "I've got my other friends. I've got my pot..." Harry dozed away in a dream about ice-cream flavored tulips and pink, polka-dotted clouds (?).  
  
****  
  
"Where's Neville?" asked Ron when he came into the room.  
  
"Um... I don't know," lied Harry, "Why do you want to know?"  
  
"Madame Pomfrey is looking for him," answered Ron, "He was supposed to get his anti-flammable shot."  
  
"Oh really?" said Harry nervously, "Well, I didn't burn...er...I mean see him. Nope. Not a chance. Neville didn't come up here. Why would he come up here? And if he did come up, which he didn't, I didn't do anything to him. Hehe."  
  
"You seem nervous," said Ron, "Is anything wrong?"  
  
"No!" yelled Harry, "Er...I mean no, of course not. Hehe."  
  
"Something is wrong, Harry," said Ron, "And I intend to find out!"  
  
****  
  
"Um... Harry," said Hermione, "It's nice to know you respect me, but isn't this going a little too far?"  
  
Harry opened his eyes and found he was lying on the ground, kissing Hermione's feet. He looked up and saw Hermione looking down at him, confused. He looked around and saw everybody else looking down at him, confused.  
  
He really needed to lay off the pot.  
  
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A/N: Hooray! I thought I might never get the first chapter done! Be good, and you'll get the next chapter. Be bad, and you'll probably get it anyway. In the next chapter, find out who else is a "pot-head".  
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	2. Who else do you think is a pothead? Hmm...

Harry Pothead And The Chamber Of Secrets- Part 2  
  
by Prathdrake  
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A/N: Okay, so I procrastinated writing the second chapter! I couldn't think up what I wanted to happen! But then I had a brain wave... What if other people were addicted to drugs, too? Guaranteed pleaser!  
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Legal Stuff: I own nothing but what I own.  
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It was Christmas.  
  
"Harry!" yelled Ron, "Come to the common room! I've got a present for you!" Harry quickly opened his eyes and ran downstairs. Ron handed him a small box.  
  
"Thanks," said Harry. He proceeded to rip open the box...but there was nothing inside.  
  
"Uh, Ron," said Harry, "Did you forget to put the present in?" Ron looked wide eyed at the shredded box. He started to cry.  
  
"Th-th-the b-box was your p-p-p-present," he said between sniffles, "And now y-y-you've r-ruined I-I-I-t-t-t!"  
  
"Oh, sorry," exclaimed Harry, "I didn't know..."  
  
"Actually, it's okay," sobbed Ron, "That is, as long as you have a present for me." Harry got nervous.  
  
"Er...uh...well, uh... I forgot...that, uh...is to say...I, er, uh...didn't get you a present." Harry looked at Ron for forgiveness. Instead, Ron was steaming mad.  
  
"Some friend you are!" Ron shouted, "Not even getting me a present!" Then Harry remembered about his secret tunnel of pot.  
  
"Actually," started Harry slyly, "I guess I do have a present for you. Come with me." Harry led Ron up the stairs and to his bed.  
  
"Pot-pot! Po't Pot. P-p-p-pot. Pot," said Harry. His bed turned over and the pot was visible. Harry took a scoopula and dug some pot out of the chamber.  
  
"And it's all for you!" said Harry to Ron, "That is... if you're not too chicken..." Harry then did his best facial imitation of a drug dealer. Ron looked at the tunnel for a long time, then finally spoke.  
  
"That's all?" he queried.  
  
"What do you mean?" asked Harry, "I've got a pretty good sized amount!" Ron looked at Harry.  
  
"Come with me," Ron said. Ron walked over to his bed and started to speak.  
  
"Pot-pot! Po't Pot. P-p-p-pot. Pot." This time, Ron's bed turned over to also reveal a passage of pot. And it was even bigger than Harry's!  
  
"I don't get it, " said Harry, "You're poor...er...I mean valuably challenged! How did you afford all of it?"  
  
"Oh it's not too hard...if you know the right stuff..." answered Ron very mysteriously.   
  
"Do you mean Hermione?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yup," answered Ron.  
  
"Does she have a passage of pot, too?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yup," answered Ron.  
  
"Even bigger than yours?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yup," answered Ron.  
  
"And you're thinkin' we should raid her stash?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yup," answered Ron.  
  
"It's so nice to know we agree," said Harry.  
  
****  
  
When Hermione was done her classes, she found Harry and Ron by her bed, rolling joints.  
  
"What are you guys dong here?" she asked.  
  
"Oh...you know...just...hanging out..." said Harry, "I hope you're not too mad."  
  
"Of course not," said Hermione, "I can always whip up more with my wand. Would you like to learn how?"  
  
"Are bees pink? I'd love to know!" answered Harry, "How 'bout you Ron? Do you want to know?" Ron took one more puff and then passed out.  
  
"I'll take that as a yes. Now, you just point your wand and say, Pot-trificus Totally-coolus!" When she had said these words, mountains of pot came flying out of her wand. "Oh, dear! she exclaimed, "That's a bit too much. I guess we'll have to be puffing all night!"  
  
Harry smiled at these pleasant words. Ron didn't do anything.  
  
****  
  
"Would Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasly please come to my office," Dumbledore's voice came out of nowhere. Harry and Ron looked at each other nervously. Hermione went deathly pale.  
  
"He knows...." said Hermione, "We'll be in detention for the rest of our lives!"  
  
"But, how could he know?" asked Harry, "We were so careful!" He looked down at the piles of powder scattered on the floor. "Okay...maybe not so careful."  
  
"Let's just go," said Ron, "Maybe he's just calling us down to give us...uh...a reward for being good students... I hope..."  
  
So the trio made their way to the stone gargoyle. It opened without them having to say a password.  
  
"Come in..." said Dumbledore. He sat them down, "Now, you know what you've done," he said, "And you know that I know what you've done. So I'm afraid I have no choice but to-" Ron cut in.  
  
"All right! We admit it! We were abusing the use of the pot spell! Just please, oh please don't expel us!"  
  
"Abusing the pot spell?" queried Dumbledore, "I just called you down to give you all awards for being wonderful students! But...this pot business is a serious matter..." Hermione, Harry and Ron looked at each other nervously. What was he going to do to them?  
  
"You will be given several detentions, of course (they frowned) but I will not report you to the law (they brightened up) if you do one thing for me."  
  
"And...what might that be?" asked Hermione.  
  
"I need you to restock my supply of pot," said Dumbledore, "It's quite empty..."  
  
****  
  
"There you go, sir," said Harry once the job was done, "A year's worth of pot in you cupboard!"  
  
"Thank-you, Harry," said Dumbledore, "And I have a suggestion of what you could do over the summer. Try some acid. I think you'll like it!"  
  
  
THE END  
  
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A/N: Go Dumbledore! Go Dumbledore! Er... I mean... Bad Dumbledore! What kind of example do you think you're setting for kids? Anyway, I now it was a trashy ending, but please review!  
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